He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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