It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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