I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
