we have pet lesbian snakes
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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