How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
