Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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