Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
