She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
