how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
