why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
