I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
