This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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