Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She has the best kind of daddy issues
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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