I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
