don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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