Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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