A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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