why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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