I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
