try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
