I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
