Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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