Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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