You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
