Hey man sorry I got all grabby
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
