Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize