I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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