I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
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