I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize