A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
