once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
