we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
