I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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