Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
