You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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