I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
