I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
