just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
