hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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