Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well I just put wine in my tea
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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