well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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