remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
