I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
