She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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