I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
