I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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