Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
