my vag is so smooth its legendary
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
