i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
