the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
