I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
