That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
