what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize