Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
