Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
