this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
my liver is dry heaving
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
