I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
