I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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