Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
