have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
