you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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