I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
