Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
